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Turning Friendships into Something More

By: Beth Morrisey MLIS - Updated: 5 Sep 2010 | comments*Discuss
Turning Friendships Into Something More

Attempting to turn a friendship into something more is a risky business. On the one hand you may end up with the perfect lover/best friend, but on the other you may end up with neither if it all gets too strange and your friend runs away. If you are interested in turning a friendship into something more, proceed with caution. Make sure you know your own mind, let your friend in on your secret, and see where your honesty takes you. If it takes you into a new life as part of a fascinating couple then fantastic! If, however, it takes you into a new life alone, then at least you were honest with yourself - and that’s nothing to sneeze at!

Know Your Own Mind

Knowing your own mind is a pre-requisite for attempting to turn a friendship into something more. Sure you may have spent time with your friend in the past, but once your romantic feelings begin, start reassessing your relationship. Spend time with your friend considering:
  • Why you find them attractive, both physically and emotionally.
  • If you find them funny.
  • If you find them generous and giving.
  • If you believe that they are committed to similar values as you.
  • Why you think you would make a good couple.
  • What kind of relationship you can foresee for yourselves.
  • If you think your friend could have similar feelings for you.
  • If your friend is interested in a relationship right now.

Let Your Friend in on Your Secret

If, after evaluating your friend and your friendship, you still think that you want to go for it and try to turn your friendship into something more, then let your friend in on your secret. Months of secrecy and private pining will do nothing but strain all of your friendships, so talk to your friends about your feelings. Try to:
  • Speak with your friend in private.
  • Leave enough time for both of you to explain your feelings.
  • Admit how you have been feeling, and if anything in particular was a catalyst for these emotions.
  • Tell your friend that you will understand if (s)he doesn’t feel the same way.
  • Reassure your friend that nothing needs to change if (s)he doesn’t want it to.

See Where Your Honesty Takes You

In reality, there are really only two outcomes to telling a friend that you would like to turn your friendship into something more – either (s)he will agree or (s)he will not. Where these decisions take you, and your friendship, is up to you. Regardless of how your friend reacts, you must be ready to:
  • Keep your emotions under control.
  • Respect your friend’s decision.
  • Keep all of your relationships, friendly or romantic, comfortable.
  • Learn from this situation.
Turning friendships into something more takes courage. You must realise that confronting a friend about your romantic feelings is like standing at a cross-road in your life. If you and your friend become a couple you will be moving into a different future than if your friend does not return your love. As long as you are aware of the complications that could arise, and are ready to confront your own feelings, then there is no reason to keep your feelings a secret. Let your friend know how you feel and be willing to accept his/her answer no matter what it may be. Good luck!

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